


Rest for the Weary

by zacekova



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Decapitation, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Kurofai Week 2018, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Nihon Country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 07:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16530329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacekova/pseuds/zacekova
Summary: Fai looks up at Kurogane and growls “Go,” spitting the word through gritted, bloody teeth. Every cell in his body is screaming in agony, his magic tearing him to shreds as it’s ripped from inside him like barbed and jagged wire.Almost over. Just hold on a little longer and then you can let go.But the grip on his arm is like a vice, squeezing even tighter in the wake of Fai’s muttered order, like if he just holds on long enough, tight enough, fiercely enough, it will make a difference. But there’s nothing he can do, no way for all of them to escape this prison, and that’s fine. It’sfine.He doesn’t need to go with them.





	Rest for the Weary

**Author's Note:**

> This all started because I have always wondered why Fai doesn’t kill Kurogane in Celes. He’d been so admament about saving his twin for so long and been rejecting Kurogane for weeks, so what made him stop? What made him give up? And then, how does that transition into the fond, beautiful, trusting friendship we see between them in Nihon country? Except for that quick exchange right after Kurogane wakes up, we don’t see anything, we don’t see how Fai’s thoughts and feelings change, and I _need it_ , dammit! 
> 
> So almost two months ago I finally sat down to figure it out. I spent most of a day creating a rambling monologue of Fai’s inner thoughts, mapping out that progression and change, and then decided I needed to write an actual, readable fic for it. About that same time I found the prompts for Kurofai Week and thought this would be _perfect_ for Day 2 - Soul Searching. What I have finally completed is _exactly_ the type of fic I have been wishing existed since I first started shipping these two and I am so glad to share it with the world. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

Celes is breaking. Earth and ice and stone crumble and then lash like spears through a hurricane of brutal winds and swirling energy as they disintegrate into nothing. The world is being eaten away by a gaping void of nothingness, howling in anguish as it dies, and Fai wants nothing more than to collapse onto this last surviving piece of dirt and _sleep_.

Because it’s over, it’s all finally over. Ashura is gone and his twin is gone and they’ve taken with them every reason Fai had still had to keep on living. He can just— rest now. Rest and be with _his_ _Fai_. He’s suffered enough - existed in constant agony, lived without the other half of his _soul_ \- for centuries, and surely that’s long enough to make up for the misfortune he’s brought upon the world. He doesn’t have to hurt anymore.

He just has to get everyone else out first. Mokona and the children are already safe, beyond the curse’s reach and waiting, so now it’s just—

Fai looks up at Kurogane and growls “Go,” spat through gritted, bloody teeth. Every cell in his body is screaming, agony lacing his bones as his magic is ripped from inside him like barbed and jagged wire.

_Almost over. Just hold on a little longer, and then you can let go._

But the grip on his arm is like a vice - squeezing even tighter in the wake of Fai’s muttered order - and Fai can’t stop fighting until everyone is safe. Kurogane needs to go, needs to go _now_ , but _he_ refuses to let _Fai_ go, like if he just holds on long enough, tight enough, fiercely enough, it will make a difference. But there’s nothing he can do, no way for all of them to escape this prison, and that’s fine. It’s _fine_.

Fai doesn’t need to go with them.

And as if he’s read Fai’s mind, Kurogane lets go - finally lets go - and Fai has a single, perfect moment to breathe a sigh of relief. The others are going to make it.

But the stubborn fire of denial in Kurogane’s eyes suddenly shifts to fierce, gritty determination and he _moves,_ and there’s a sickening squelch and crunch of severing flesh and bone. Crimson blood arcs through the air in a gruesome rainbow and Fai hears something hit the ground with a thud.

His eyes widen, looking up in horror.

 _What_ _did_ _he_ _just—?_

Kurogane’s fist snarls in his coat, hauling Fai up through the fast-collapsing gap in the cage of magic energy. The walls that had trapped him at the center of the curse up until now shudder and stretch to let both of them pass, and the last of Celes turns to dust as they’re enveloped in blinding, world-shifting light.

 

~~~

 

They land in a new world with surprising gentleness considering their exit from the last, but Fai can’t spare it a glance; all he sees is blood. Kurogane’s blood - spilling out beneath his fingers from the gory, empty cavern where his left arm should be, mixing with the tears that drip down Fai’s face in salty rivers.

His arm is gone. It’s _gone_. Gods, why is it _gone?_

Kurogane’s breathing is ragged, pained, his heart beating all wrong beneath his ribs. It shouldn’t sound like that, it should be steady, strong, calm. This is what hearts feel like when they’re dying.

 _Fuck_ , he’s _dying_.

“He’s dying, please hurry!” Fai pleads, begging to anyone who can hear, and his lips and his voice _shake_ , so damn weak and quiet when he should be screaming at the top of his lungs. Someone has to hear, someone has to save him, because Kurogane can’t die, that’s not the way it was supposed to go. It was supposed to be _Fai_ who died, he gave everything he had to make sure that happened; to save Kurogane.

Because he’s been caught in that piercing, knowing, blood-red gaze for longer than he’s willing to admit. He’s been running and hiding and _cowering_ ever since their journey began, but Kurogane caught him and stole his heart, regardless, and it’s only continued to beat because Kurogane’s abrasive, persistent, attentive care wouldn’t let it stop. And if he dies… “If he dies, I’ll—”

 _Shatter_.

A gentle hand comes to rest on his shoulder, pulling his wide, watery gaze up to a familiar face with a familiar smile. “It’s alright. Kurogane isn’t going to die,” Princess Tomoyo says, sweet and calm, without a trace of fear.

There is a flurry of noise and movement around him, people rushing forward and away again in a blur of color that Fai barely notices. Tomoyo’s dark gaze is riveting - a pool of serenity, a soothing balm to his aching heart - and, somehow, the paralyzing fear recedes just enough for him to breathe, to think, to take a deep breath and stabilize.

The Princess reaches out to touch his cheek, her fingers soft and cool on his flushed and heated skin, and she smiles. “He’ll be alright. Come and rest, Fai.”

He nods mutely, scrubbing at the dried, crusty tear tracks on his face with his sleeve and sniffling loudly as he stands, finally taking in his surroundings.

They’ve landed on a plane of hard earth and rock that’s scattered with scruffy trees and grass, and a city and a palace made of wood and gold and crimson and tile sits on a massive, raised flat of stone. A few guards in shining armor stand nearby, watching over their princess, but the crowd Fai had sensed earlier have all but disappeared through the city’s gates, off to save the man Fai could not.

He wanted to, wanted with every fiber of his being to save Kurogane from the fate Fei Wong Reed had in store for him - to save him from _Fai_ and Fai’s orders to kill him if the time ever came. Because he had to kill him, had no choice, not when it meant saving _his twin_. That unbreakable, precious bond with _his Fai_ and those too-short, happy years with Ashura are all he’s ever had, his past is all Fai has _ever_ had and he’s clung to the impossible dreams he forged back then for too long. He’s pushed everyone else - pushed _Kurogane_ away out of the fear that he would try to stop Fai from bringing his twin back, try to stop him from fulfilling his wish. And up until the last moment Fai had held fast to his oath to kill him for that trying.

He had been _terrified_ that Kurogane would stop him, steal away the last reason he had to go on living, and then leave him to suffer all alone, _again_.

Because from the day Fai was born that’s all he’s ever done - suffer. Endless, lonely suffering that was only eclipsed by the ravenous, all-consuming guilt gnawing away at him from the moment his twins body smashed to the ground at his feet.

Somehow, Kurogane saw his pain, saw in Tokyo that all Fai wanted was for it to end - to die without spilling anyone else’s blood - and said “Not until you’ve hurt me, too,” and bound them together for eternity. It was a cruel, malicious, personal betrayal and Fai had hated him for it.

Except...

Except Kurogane couldn’t have known, couldn’t have understood. He hadn’t known enough _to_ understand because Fai had refused to tell him anything about his past, about what he’d done and what he’d sworn to do. And even if Fai could have acknowledged that the blame rested solely with himself at the time - could have accepted Kurogane’s ignorant mistake - he couldn’t have forgiven him. He couldn’t risk bringing Kurogane even more misfortune - like he had to everyone else who’d ever gotten close to him. Not Kurogane.

The gentle touch of Tomoyo’s hand on his arm pulls Fai out of his head and he graces her with a weak smile, grateful for her silent patience. She smiles back and turns to lead him into the city, surrounded by her guards and walking slowly - maybe to let Fai take everything in, maybe to give him more time to sort through his thoughts. Maybe she just likes to linger among her people.

It takes them a long time to make it all the way to the palace - the sun dipping low toward the horizon in a shimmering haze by the time they pass through the outer gate - and still Fai’s head swirls with too much, with far too much. His body drags, muscles weak and sore and quivering, fighting his every step and clamoring to just stop and lay down and _sleep._ Apparently, even his vampiric healing can’t seem to fix everything. He needs to drink, he hasn’t in days, but with Kurogane so badly hurt there’s no knowing when he’ll be able to again. And wouldn’t that be ironic - Kurogane cutting off a limb to save Fai’s life only for Fai to die of starvation.

He’s so lost in the fuzzy cloud of chaotic thoughts and weariness that he barely takes in his surroundings, hardly even registering when the sun no longer shines on his skin. He only looks up when the Princess stops outside a room in a bright corridor that smells of steam and oils and herbs, heat stronger than the spring sunshine outside had been spilling from the open door.

“I will have someone bring clean clothes to you here,” she says, standing far enough away that she doesn’t have to crane her neck to look him in the eye. “You should take your time - rest and get cleaned up, let your heart settle. I will look after the others.”

Fai pastes on a wane smile and bows his head. His gut is churning with worry, skin tingling with apprehension, like all his hair has been brushed the wrong way. The Princess may be confident in her healers but Fai will not relax until he hears Kurogane’s voice, sees his piercing red eyes open and irritated, feels that warm, steady, _alive_ heart beat beneath his ribs.

Tomoyo leaves with her guards and Fai steps into the room and shuts the door behind him. It’s a tiny space, just a walkway down the center that’s lined with pairs of baskets for dirty and clean clothes, respectively, to sit. He strips out of his heavy, bloodied coat and the pale shirts and pants beneath, leaving them all in a messy heap and creeping over to what looks like a door on the far side of the room from the entrance. It slides to the side in the same way, too, like the doors in Chun-yan’s home, and on the other side he finds a walled-in, private bathing area, open to the sky and crowded with greenery. Steam is wafting up from a sunken pool that’s large enough to hold half-a-dozen people and lined with grey stone, a plethora of bottles and jars sitting on the rim on one side.

He has it all to himself.

He’s anxious, knotted up inside with worry and his body is knotted up and sore as well, and Fai can’t hold back a long sigh of relief as he sinks into the water. The heat seeps into his very bones, chasing away the ice of Celes, the blank deadness in Ashura’s eyes, the frigid touch of real-Fai’s hands. The horrors linger on the lids of his closed eyes - vivid, haunting, splattered with crimson - playing over and over again every time he blinks, the sound of Kurogane hacking off his own arm as the accompaniment. Crunch, splatter, thud.

Fai claps his shaking hand over his mouth and swallows back the sour taste of bile.

How could- How could he _do_ that? How could he do that for _Fai_ _?_ Kurogane’s physical strength is his _greatest_ strength, it’s how he takes care of the people he loves. He’s not skilled with words or tender gestures; he uses his body to fight, to protect the ones he loves from harm and guard them from danger. Losing his arm isn’t just sacrificing a part of his body, it’s sacrificing a major part of who he _is_ down in his very soul. And he was willing to give that up for _Fai_.

Fai tips his head forward and buries his face in his hands, breathing deep through his nose.

He’s never done anything to earn that kind of loyalty from that man - has done everything to deserve precisely the opposite, in fact - but damn if he isn’t going to cling to it with all the strength he has. If - even after everything he’s done - Kurogane is still willing to trust him, Fai isn’t going to be foolish enough to keep running. Not anymore. Not when it’s everything he’s ever wished he could have and then some.

Fai scoops up a handful of water and splashes it over his face, shaking the droplets from his hair, and then shuffles across the pool to the ledge of soaps and oils. For once, he has no desire for luxury, just grabs the first bottle in the line, tips out a handful of soap onto a cloth, and starts scrubbing himself down - quick and efficient.

He has somewhere he needs to be. 

 

~~~

 

There’s a servant waiting for him in the outer chamber, a stack of clothes in his arms. He offers to teach Fai how to put them on and Fai readily accepts, asking afterward where his companions are.

“The two children were taken to the ancient sakura tree in the heart of the palace,” the servant says. “It may help the Princess of Clow. Princess Tomoyo is waiting outside Lord Kurogane’s healing room. She instructed me to bring you to her.”

Fai nods and follows the servant through the hallways, though it’s not far - in the same wing of the palace, even; perhaps the bath is meant to help with healing as well as general cleanliness - and is left to his own devices after being directed around a final corner.

Princess Tomoyo is standing alone near the middle of the hall, the shadows of her guards visible at the end of the passage. She glances up at the sound of Fai’s long robes rustling on the floor and brightens. Her calculating gaze sweeps over him from the damp strands of his hair to the strange socks on his feet, and her smile softens. “I think that bath did more for you than get you clean.”

Fai’s answering smile is small, thoughtful. “I suppose it did,” he says, head tilting to the side as he regards this tiny, gentle woman that Kurogane has been trying so desperately to return to. There is something about her that reminds him of Sakura, so small and kind and strong; if they are truly anything alike, then it’s no wonder Kurogane became enamored with their sand princess so easily.

Fai’s gaze drifts over to the door Tomoyo is standing next to, boring into it like if he can just wish hard enough he’ll be able to see through solid wood. “Is Kurogane…?” he starts, trailing off when he realizes he’s not sure what he wants to ask.

Princess Tomoyo follows his gaze and nods. “Yes, he’s in there. And he’ll be fine, the healers said he should wake up soon.”

Fai lurches forward, completely unable to stop himself from reaching for the door, but freezes when Tomoyo lays a hand on his outstretched arm.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I know you’re worried about him. But, if you can, would you let me speak to him first? There are some things I need to say to him, things I couldn’t say until now when so much was at stake.”

Fai turns to look at her - her own gaze is stuck on the door as his was a moment earlier, brimming with apprehension and determination in equal portions - and feels some of his own anxious need settle a little. How strange, for his worries to be soothed simply by knowing someone else is worried as well. Is everything easier to bear when it is shared with another?

“I cannot stop you from doing whatever you want in your own castle, Princess,” he says.

“Maybe so,” Tomoyo replies, tearing her gaze away from the door to look up at him with wide, earnest eyes, “but you are more to each other than Kurogane and I could ever be. And I will not cause either of you more pain if I can help it.”

It is more kindness, more consideration, than anyone but Ashura has ever shown him, and Fai’s heart trembles from the intensity of her sincerity. Even so, despite his ravenous need to see Kurogane having tempered a bit in Tomoyo’s company, it’s still clawing at his insides, desperate to drag him through that door and _see_. Fai closes his eyes and sucks in a steadying breath, forcing his rigid muscles to relax, before looking down at Tomoyo and nodding. “I can wait, Princess.”

Her posture droops, lines of tension that Fai hadn’t even realized existed smoothing away beneath a relieved smile. “Thank you, Fai.” She turns to face the door fully, sliding it open and slipping inside before turning back to say “Please, stay here and wait. I’ll call you in soon,” and then she’s gone, closing the door with a quiet snick.

Fai moves to put his back to the wall, just next to the door, and braces himself there, taking some of the weight off of his sore and weary limbs. If he’s going to be waiting a while, he may as well get comfortable.

The light coming through the window at the end of the hall has dimmed to the dark blue hush of twilight by the time he hears Kurogane wake up, confusion in his voice until Tomoyo greets him with warmth and reassurances that the rest of them are fine, here and resting.

“Back then, I heard a voice…” Kurogane says, so quiet that without his vampire’s blood, Fai would not have been able to hear it.

Tomoyo confirms it was her, that she entered Kurogane’s dying dream and told him how his arm could be a substitute for Fai and his magic.

Fai had come to that conclusion himself sometime in the last hour or so of waiting, when he had nothing to do but remember and think, but even if he’d thought of it back then he wouldn’t have believed it would actually _work_. And even if he could have entertained the idea of telling Kurogane to slice off a limb to save Fai for more than a second, he wouldn’t have done it. Not in any world or circumstance would he have even come close.

As if he’s heard what Fai was thinking, Kurogane says “It’s alright, I don’t have any regrets whatsoever about losing my arm back there.” He’s thoughtful, quiet - voice almost reverent in its seriousness. “All my life I’ve hungered for power, so that no one would ever hurt what was dear to me again, but to have strength is to invite disaster to come your way. And besides, there are things strength alone cannot protect.”

His gentle rumble, his calm and confident words speak of such contentedness that it makes Fai’s lower lip tremble and his throat close up. He may not regret it, but Kurogane will still suffer for his choice - he will be weakened, less powerful, less able to protect the ones he loves for the rest of his life.

But he’s smart enough to have thought of all of this in that split second, to have weighed the scales before he decided. And he decided keeping Fai alive was more important.

Fai tips his head back against the wall and closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. It’s like... like the empty, shadowed, aching cavern of loneliness and despair inside his chest is slowly being filled up, filled with light and warmth and hope. He gets it now, he gets what Kurogane has been trying to tell him for so long. And maybe, now, Kurogane finally understands him, too. No more secrets, no more _need_ for secrets.

Fai hears Tomoyo calling for him, asking him to enter, and his heart starts pounding in his chest, his blood rushing through his ears in anticipation; his hand opens the door and his feet carry him across the floor automatically, nerves tingling. This is new territory for them, new territory for _Fai_ , and he’s really not sure how things will go after this. But first—

His knuckles smash into Kurogane’s face, the skin on his knuckles smarting from the force of it, and his lips curl up in a smirk. “That was for earlier, Kuro-sama.”

Kurogane looks up at him with indignant bewilderment for a long moment and then his whole expression shifts, mouth curving in a sharp, eager grin. But his eyes - _oh_ his gorgeous, crimson eyes - are soft and fond and relieved. “I’ll get you for that,” he says, that beautiful, teasing lilt back in his voice that Fai can only now admit to himself that he has missed terribly, and suddenly all his nerves are gone.

They’re going to be fine.

A quiet giggle draws their attention. Princess Tomoyo has a hand over her mouth, doing little to hide her smile as she watches the two of them. “I’ll leave the two of you alone for the night,” she says, rising gracefully from the floor. “If you need anything before morning, there is a servant’s room just around the corner.” And then she’s slipping out into the hall and closing the door behind her.

Fai waits until her quiet footsteps fade away, gone to other places, before sinking to the floor at Kurogane’s side. He reaches out slowly, giving Kurogane plenty of time to avoid his touch if he wants to, and pulls Kurogane’s remaining hand into his lap, running his fingers over the warm, scarred skin. “You’ve been reckless, Kuro-sama,” he says, low, reserved.

“It was worth it,” Kurogane replies, even softer than when he spoke with Tomoyo; Fai didn’t know he was even _able_ to talk like that.

“I want to be mad at you,” Fai continues, lips twisting into a pained smile and lifting his eyes to meet Kurogane’s gaze - red and piercing, but peaceful, relaxed, “but I’m too relieved that you’re okay. That—” his throat hitches, cutting off the words. He swallows around the lump in his throat and tries again. “That we’re _both_ okay.” And that’s good. That’s _enough_. Kurogane will understand the significance of that.

And he does - oh he does - because his eyes widen for a brief moment and then his brow pinches, something nervous but endearingly earnest flitting through his gaze. “You need to know why I did that, how I feel about you.”

Fai smiles, squeezing Kurogane’s fingers in his own. “I knew a long time ago. I was just too afraid to—” and his voice breaks again, emotion clogging his throat; regret for what could have happened much sooner if he had not been so afraid, and relief that they’re here now anyway.

“Too afraid to…?” Kurogane trails off, eyes bright and intent with curiosity.

“I love you,” Fai blurts, clinging desperately to the hand clenched in his own. “I love you so much.”

Kurogane’s hand wrenches out of his grasp, reaches up to tangle in his robe and yanks him forward, smashing their lips together.

It’s… It’s sunlight. Sunlight he can drown in. It’s like the sun breaking through a mass of storm clouds in the heart of winter, like the warmth on his face after months of frozen darkness. It’s the heat of a fire in the hearth and a heavy blanket around his shoulders. It’s the thrill of a powerful spell, coursing through his veins in a mad rush for freedom, for an exuberant display of energy and light and excitement. It is every moment of tiny, authentic happiness he has ever known washing over him all at once.

It’s like he’s _whole_ again.

Fai gets lost in it, his hands shaking as they card through Kurogane’s hair and _cling_ , refusing to let him move away, not when it makes him feel like _this_. Oh, if only he had not been so stupid. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I took so long.” He’s babbling, spilling the words out between frantic kisses, too overwhelmed to even care how much of a mess he must seem. “I’m so sorry.”

“God, Fai, just come _here_ ,” Kurogane says, and it’s not the frustrated growl Fai was expecting, it’s gentle and needy and soft like encouragement. “Just kiss me.”

And he does, he pushes Kurogane down to the floor, slow and careful in courtesy of their injuries, and then hovers over Kurogane’s prone form just to _look_ at him, just for a moment. He lies there, tall and confident and powerful, none of it diminished by the gaping space where is arm used to be. But that’s not surprising; Kurogane’s strength has always been more than his sword and his muscles, even if he hadn’t always realized it himself.

Kurogane’s gaze is intense and knowing, colored with hunger and blatant fondness as Fai stares and stares and _stares_. “I thought you were supposed to be kissing me,” he says, smirking.

Fai’s lips quirk and he bends down, brushing their mouths together as light as he possibly can. “Is this better?” he murmurs.

Kurogane hums, brow furrowing in thought even as his gaze is caught on Fai’s mouth, his hand coming up to wrap around Fai’s hip. “Not sure yet. Maybe you should do it again.”

Fai’s leans in, a little more firmly this time, and his breath catches in his throat at the way Kurogane’s fingers tighten around his hip. “How about that?” he whispers.

“Again,” Kurogane says, already breathless, and Fai does, open-mouthed and hungry. He slips his tongue past Kurogane’s lips and revels in the way it makes him groan, the vibration traveling up through the fingers he has splayed over Kurogane’s chest. It’s such a different sound from his growls of frustration and grunts of pain - deep and steady and surging through Fai’s veins like molten fire.

 _God,_ he really should have done this sooner.

But… But it wouldn’t have been like this if they had, his heart would not have felt so light and free and whole. It would have been enjoyable, pleasurable, unforgettable; but Fai would have been hiding, holding back pieces of himself and plagued with fear every second they were together. It would have been wonderful, but it would have tasted bitter and heavy and not so overwhelmingly sweet and perfect like it does now.

Kurogane’s hand slides underneath the edges of his robe, stroking down the pale planes of Fai’s chest and making him gasp. The callouses on his fingers are rough and they drag against Fai’s skin with delicious friction from shoulder to hip and back again.

Fai whimpers into Kurogane’s mouth, their foreheads pressed together, and twines his hands in Kurogane’s robes. “Kurogane.”

Kurogane’s hand stops.

Fai pulls back a bit, looking down at him with a furrowed brow and heart hammering nervously against his ribs. “What’s wrong?”

There’s something thoughtful about his expression, the fire in his eyes dimmed a bit behind a surge of curiosity. “Say that again,” he says. “My name.”

Oh. _Oh_. Fai hadn’t even thought- He reaches out to brush his thumb over Kurogane’s cheek, gentle and careful, and looks down at him with all the love he possesses; maybe they can overlay those bitter memories. “Kurogane.”

Kurogane’s eyes close and he takes a slow, deep breath in through his nose. “It’s okay when you say it like that,” he says, palm pressed flat against Fai’s pounding heart. “Doesn’t sound the way it did before.”

Fai smirks. “Then I’ll _keep_ saying it like that,” he purrs, leaning back down to trail his lips over Kurogane’s neck.

“You better not do it - _ah_ \- in front of the kids,” Kurogane says, breath hitching in tiny, quiet gasps as he wraps his hands in Fai’s robes and slides them off his shoulders and down his back.

The fabric puddles around his wrists and his waist, and Fai sits up so he can use both hands to unwrap the sash that’s tied around his hips keeping the whole ensemble together. He looks down at Kurogane through his lashes, holding his gaze, and pulls the silk away one slow loop at a time. He feels powerful here - raised up on his knees and back arched enticingly, showing off the long, lean lines of his body. He’s poised to enthrall, to allure, and Kurogane is falling into the trap so easily, so eagerly, eyes roving over every inch of exposed skin and _burning_.

He wants this. Wants _Fai_. And Fai’s not running anymore.

The sash slithers to the floor with a whisper and Fai reaches with greedy fingers for the one around Kurogane’s waist, untying the knot and sliding the fabric free; they’re wearing far too many clothes. He parts the heavy folds, drinking in the miles of smooth, dark skin with hungry eyes. Kurogane isn’t scarred like most warriors - a testament to his remarkable, natural strength - unmarked and beautiful. All except for…

For one second - maybe two - Fai lets an ocean of self-loathing wash over him, bitter hatred at himself for having been the cause of an otherwise perfect body being torn and broken and weakened. He traces his fingers along the edge of the bandages, brushing lightly against the harsh bruising and reliving that moment all over again.

_I don’t have any regrets about losing my arm._

He sucks in a breath, lurching back into the present.

Kurogane is looking up at him with soft, understanding eyes - such a foreign expression on his face, but nice. It looks good on him. He reaches up to brush Fai’s hair away from his face, playing with the longer strands hanging over his shoulder. “I’d do it a thousand times more if it meant keeping you here, keeping you safe.”

Fai’s throat tightens, eyes stinging, but he swallows it down, lets it feed the tiny, sincere smile he gives Kurogane even through the urge to cry. He doesn’t want to cry, not right now; and for once it doesn’t feel like a lie to blink the tears away and laugh. It’s honest, more honest than maybe he’s ever been, to let the happy, overwhelming relief bubble out in quiet laughter, curving his hands around Kurogane’s face and pressing sloppy kisses all over his nose and cheeks and forehead.

Kurogane wraps his arm around Fai’s back, winding his fingers through Fai’s hair and letting out a bunch of pleased little hums the whole while, not a noise of complaint to be found. He’s peering up at Fai with blatant, unashamed fondness, looking so utterly content to lay back and let Fai shower him with chaste and silly kisses just because he can. Like there’s nothing else he’d rather be doing.

Eventually, Fai makes it back to Kurogane’s mouth, delves in deep and sighs in happy pleasure at the way Kurogane opens up and lets him in. His hands wander down Kurogane’s chest, exploring the gap of his parted robe with eager fingers. He slides the fabric away, an inch at a time, nipping at Kurogane’s lips and sweeping his hands over his skin.

Kurogane arches into his touch, stroking his palm down Fai’s spine and resting it against the small of his back. The robe falls to the side, spread out like the wings of a great bird or a fearsome dragon, and Fai leans back for a moment just to appreciate the beautiful, powerful figure Kurogane makes, supine on the floor.

He leans down and presses a kiss over Kurogane’s heart, creeping his fingers in a tentative dance down the sleeve of Kurogane’s robe. He helps Kurogane slip his arm free, leaving him bare and warm and perfect beneath him, and grins when Kurogane tugs impatiently at his own robes.

“You too, Fai.”

And he obliges, peeling out of the last of his layers and letting them fall at the end of the bed. And now he’s bare, too, exposed in every way possible.

And Kurogane… Kurogane looks like a starving man gifted a feast, his gaze roving over every inch of Fai’s pale, lean form with hungry eyes. He slides his hand up Fai’s torso, brushing through the fine hair under his navel, over the hollow canyon of his sternum, up the delicate ridge of his collarbone, firm and rough and warm. His eyes find Fai’s and they burn like lit coals, glowing with heat from deep within. “You’re so damn beautiful.”

Fai flushes, thrown by his passionate sincerity; no one has ever said that to him and meant it so much because no one has ever _seen_ so much of him, seen all of him. But Kurogane has seen into his very soul and still thinks he’s beautiful. It doesn’t make any sense, Fai doesn’t understand it, but he’s through questioning it, through denying it, through telling himself he doesn’t believe Kurogane with every fiber of his being. He’s holding onto this undeserved gift until reality falls apart around them.

He reaches up to wrap his hand around Kurogane’s where it’s resting against his cheek, pulls it away to press a gentle kiss to the tips of Kurogane’s fingers, and rocks his hips.

Kurogane’s inhale is sharp, surprised, and when Fai does it again he groans, body tensing up and rocking with him. “Fai.”

“What do you want?” Fai asks, breathless and eager, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “Tell me what you want.”

Kurogane’s hand clenches around his fingers, squeezing tight. “You. Inside you,” he rasps. “Anything you’ll give me.”

Fai squeezes his hand back, gasping when their cocks brush together just _so_ and lays Kurogane’s hand over his heart. “Everything. _Everything_.”

Kurogane moans, throwing his head back and thrusting up against him. “ _Fai_.”

Fai. Fai. _Fai_. He keeps saying that, saying his name. Not idiot, not mage or moron or wizard. Just Fai. It makes his heart soar, a thrill rushing through his veins that sings of acceptance and fondness and love; is this what Kurogane had felt when Fai finally said _his_ name right?

He reaches out and brushes his fingers over Kurogane’s lips, down his chest and side, light and delicate, and watches Kurogane shiver from head to toe. “We need—“ he cuts off with a choke when Kurogane’s hand slips free and reaches around to grab his ass, pulling their bodies together in a rough, powerful thrust.

And then it’s just mindless, frantic rutting for what feels like an eternity, nothing but wet, gasping breath and slick sweat dripping down his spine, Kurogane’s hand hot on his skin, his body hot beneath Fai’s palms, their moans a perfect melody between them.

And it’s good, it’s so good, but it’s not what Fai wants, not what he _needs_ , and he whines, slowing the pace and dropping his head forward. “Kuro—“

Kurogane grunts, back still arched and heels planted on the floor, but he releases his hold on Fai’s ass and slides his fingertips up his spine. “Aloe, over on the floor,” he says, breathing heavily. “The healers left a salve, it should work fine.”

Fai shudders at the delicate, ticklish touch sweeping up his back, his skin hypersensitive, and peels his eyes open to look around the room. Ah, there, a small jar just to the side of Kurogane’s bed. He has to stretch to reach it, up on all fours and fighting back a sudden blush at the feeling of Kurogane’s eyes on him, hungry and unashamed. It’s incongruous - unexpected - feeling so exposed and vulnerable when he’s been fine up until now. But he pushes through the embarrassment and unscrews the lid to the aloe, scooping out some of the cool, creamy salve, and planting his other hand on the floor by Kurogane’s shoulder.

And then he stops, frozen.

The need to _see_ him, to see the face of this man who he is about to give everything to - _has_ already given everything to - sweeps through him like an avalanche - powerful, impossible to ignore, and all-consuming - and he looks down with wide eyes.

Kurogane is looking up at him, the harsh lines of his face smoothed with contentment. There’s still hunger in his gaze, need, but it’s softened by the overwhelming adoration and affection pouring from him without restraint. He reaches out to cup his hand around Fai’s face, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone and brushing against the eyepatch. “I’m here,” he says. “We got all the time you need.”

It’s exactly what he needed to hear, somehow, and all the anxiety that latched hold of his heart is swept away like nothing more than a fragile cobweb, dusty and weak and old.

Fai closes his eyes and smiles, leaning into the touch on his face and breathing in, letting the relief settle into his bones for as long as it takes to inhale and then let it all out again on a long, steady exhale. And then he brings his hand to his entrance and starts to open himself up, slick and slow and almost perfect; it would need to be Kurogane’s hand to be perfect.

Just as they’ve done with everything else, Fai takes his time, lets the slow drag in and out spark along his nerves until he’s flushed and panting, eyes closed in concentration. Kurogane’s thumb strokes along his cheek the entire time, rhythmic and soft even as his breathing gets deeper, faster, pupils dilating as he stares up at Fai like a hunter stalking its prey. And then, just as Fai is thinking he’s loose enough, Kurogane’s hand drifts down his side, nails scratching lightly along his hip and the curve of his ass, and he slides one thick, calloused finger in alongside Fai’s.

Fai moans, wanton and needy, and rocks back; it’s so _good_ , filling him up and stretching him so well. Kurogane’s hands are bigger than his own - his fingers thicker and longer - and he can reach just a little bit deeper, rub tantalizingly close to where Fai needs him. But he seems content to just push in and out, over and over again, agonizingly slow, and Fai drops his forehead down on Kurogane’s chest, panting. “ _Kuro…_ ”

Kurogane hums, chest vibrating beneath Fai’s cheek, and crooks his finger - and it’s so, so close, but not _enough_. It’s a tease of what he really needs, nothing but light, maddening friction. “Think you’re ready?” Kurogane murmurs.

Fai nods frantically, his cock already leaking precum just at the thought of what’s coming. He pulls his own hand out, whining at the loss, and his hole clenches loosely around Kurogane’s finger where it’s still pumping slowly in and out of him. He sucks in a steadying breath, trying to clear the haze of pleasure fogging his head, and pushes himself up. The change in angle pushes Kurogane's finger right against Fai’s prostate, startling a gasp out of him, and he grinds down with a moan.

“Fuck, _Fai_ ,” Kurogane groans, hips rolling erratically.

“I need you,” Fai whimpers, unable to stop from rocking down against Kurogane’s finger, again and again and again. “Kurogane, _please_.”

Kurogane moans and thrusts back inside him with two fingers, ramming into his prostate. Fai cries out, falling forward onto his palms and whimpering when Kurogane’s hand slides out completely and moves to grab hold of his hip. “Come on, Fai.”

He’s shaking, every inch of his skin sensitized and hyper-aware of where they’re touching - Kurogane’s firm chest beneath his sweaty palms, Kurogane’s fingertips digging into the meat of Fai’s ass, the brush of hot and sensitive skin on their thighs as Kurogane shifts restlessly beneath him. He’s so aroused it’s hard to think, but Fai reaches over and scoops out more of the salve, shifting back a bit on Kurogane’s lap and wrapping his fingers around Kurogane’s cock, slicking it from base to tip. Then he rises up on his knees, positions Kurogane against his entrance, and starts to sink down.

Kurogane groans, long and low, head thrown back and the veins on his neck standing out with the tension locking his frame. He’s gorgeous like this, body strung taut and muscles rippling as he holds himself back and lets Fai take the lead.

Fai goes slow. It’s been a long time since he’s done this and even though two fingers should be more than enough to ease the way, he wants to take his time. Wants to savor this. The stretch is good - a little overwhelming when he’s already so sensitive - but good; his body relinquishes the space to Kurogane’s intrusion an inch at a time and his pulse slows in the lull even as his cock stays flushed and rigid and dripping.

With one last push, Kurogane bottoms out inside him and Fai has to stop just to breathe for a long moment. Kurogane shudders, hand gripping tight to Fai’s hip, and starts making little, aborted thrusts up into Fai’s body - like he can’t help it - and Fai gasps, grinding down to meet them.

“Fai,” Kurogane says, lips parted and panting.

Fai shivers - the low, eager strain of Kurogane’s voice rolling through him from head to toe in the best way. He rocks up, moaning as Kurogane’s cock slides almost all the way out, and then sinks back down. “What is it?” he asks, already breathless.

Kurogane shakes his head, looking up at him with shining eyes. “Nothing. I just like the way you look when I say your name.”

Fai tips his head back and rolls his hips, pleasure tingling along his spine, and closes his eye. “How do I look?” he asks, hardly more than a whisper.

Fingertips dance up his side, feather-light and sparking - like pure energy and gentle magic. “Happy,” Kurogane breathes, overflowing with affection. “You look happy.”

He almost chokes - breath catching against the swelling in his throat and _burning_ \- but instead, the muscles in his legs go lax and he loses his balance, ass slapping against Kurogane’s hips as he drops. Fai swallows, breathes in; leans down and presses his forehead against Kurogane’s chest. “I’m… happy,” he says - wondrous, stunned - because it’s true. For the first time in his entire _life,_  it’s completely true.

Kurogane threads his fingers through Fai’s hair, sweet and warm and soothing, and stretches to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Yeah, Fai.”

Fai turns his head to lay his cheek against Kurogane’s hot, sweaty skin, basking for a moment in this new revelation, and then he starts to move, just tiny, friction-inducing circles of his hips, and Kurogane’s chest sinks beneath his palms with a gusty exhale.

“ _Gods_ , Fai.”

Fai hums, unable to voice anything more coherent. Kurogane is _deep_ inside him like this, hot and thick and perfect, and his own cock is trapped beneath their stomachs - slick with sweat and precum - and every slow, languid movement against his flushed, sensitive length makes it just a little harder to think, to breathe, to do anything but rut mindlessly until he reaches completion.

Kurogane palms his hip, the back of his thigh, dancing his fingertips in the ticklish space behind his knee and making Fai buck in surprise. Kurogane groans, thrusting up into him once before sinking back to the floor, breathing heavily. His hand strokes back up Fai’s leg, over the swell of his ass, and a single finger traces the rim of Fai’s entrance.

Fai gasps, a surge of heat sparking through his veins, and he plants his hands on Kurogane’s chest, pushes himself upright, and grinds down into Kurogane’s hand. It’s wrapped around his own cock, twisting lightly against where they’re joined, and Fai twitches helplessly with the need for _more_. “ _Kurogane._ ”  
  
Kurogane is panting, head craned to see where Fai is rising up and sinking back down, over and over again - slow and firm, but erratic, uncontrolled. “That’s it. That’s perfect, just like that.”

Fai whines, high in his throat, certain that if he wraps his hand around his own cock this could be over in mere moments, but he wants this to last, wants to stay in this maddening, endless, euphoric place forever. But he’s close, so close, the slow, languorous slide of Kurogane’s cock and the delicious friction of his hand pushing him higher and higher every second.

And then his palms slip on Kurogane’s sweaty skin, skating across his chest and pressing against the purple-black edges of Kurogane’s shoulder before he can get purchase. Kurogane hisses, flinching away to protect the injury, and Fai rears back in horror.

“Shit! Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Kurogane grunts, curling his hand lightly over the bandages, but he looks up at Fai calmly, reassuringly. “It’s alright, you barely touched it. Just caught me off guard, is all.”

Fai sits rigid on his lap, hands hovering uncertainly in the air and Kurogane’s cock still hard inside him. “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

“Kind of a little late to change your mind,” Kurogane says, lips curling in a tiny smirk as he jerks his hips up - a tiny, pointed thrust that yanks a voiceless moan from Fai’s lips.

Fai inhales through his nose, slow and measured, and peels his eye open, unsure when he’d closed it to begin with. “You’re injured. I am too, though admittedly not nearly as much, and we’re both tired. We could-“ He pauses, biting his lip and looking off to the side. “We could do this another time... Couldn’t we?”

Kurogane’s hand curls around his hip, thumb stroking lightly against the sensitive ridge, and Fai works up the nerve to look back down at him. Kurogane’s gaze is soft, _fond_ ; it’s almost unreal how different his expressions have been this night from everything Fai has ever known before. “Yeah,” Kurogane says, “we can wait. Is that what you want?”

Fai feels his brow pinch, torn between two clamoring, powerful needs. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he settles on, finally bringing his hands back down and resting them on Kurogane’s sides. “Not again. Not anymore.”

Kurogane’s smile is slow, sweet - infinitesimally small - but breathtaking in its sincerity. “I think that’s impossible to avoid completely. But I think it’d be worth it.”

There’s something in his tone, a depth of meaning that Fai can hardly bear to hear without trembling, and he hangs his head and bites his lip. “Should we... be taking this a little slower?” Fai asks, hoping Kurogane hears the same double meaning in his own words. He looks up through the fringe of his hair and waits.

Kurogane’s hand comes up to his face and Fai starts to tip his head, ready to lean into his touch, but instead of laying it gently against his cheek as he has before, Kurogane curls a finger back and flicks his nose. “We’re going slow enough. Stop worrying so much.”

Fai blinks, startled, and then chuckles, rubbing at his abused nose. “So mean, Kuro-tan,” he says, trying to pout, but the edges of his lips keep fighting it. He braces his hands on Kurogane’s abdomen and moves to get his knees back underneath him properly, sighing when it makes Kurogane’s cock shift inside of him and brush against his inner walls.

The shock of Kurogane’s pain had taken the edge off his arousal, brought him back from the brink of release, but he’s still hard and wanting, and just a few, gentle rolls of his hips make his blood burn once more. Kurogane’s hand trails over him, stroking the planes of his chest and stomach, rolling Fai’s nipples between his fingers, skirting teasingly around his erection.

Fai moans, trying to thrust toward his touch without losing the fullness of his cock and whining when Kurogane chuckles and moves his hand up his side. “Kurogane, _please._ ”

Kurogane chuckles again, brushing his thumb across Fai’s nipple over and over and over again, before slowly dragging his hand back down his chest. “Well, since you asked so nicely.” And then he trails his fingers in a light, frustrating dance from base to tip and cups his palm over the head of Fai’s cock. “How’s that?”

Fai rocks up into the touch as best as he can, struggling to stay upright on his trembling arms. “ _Kuro_.”

Kurogane’s hand wraps around his cock, hot and callused, and strokes. It’s gentle, dry - almost too gentle, almost uncomfortable - but so, so good and Fai thrusts into it. “Gods, you’re gorgeous,” Kurogane says, thumbing over his leaking tip and stroking again. “So gorgeous, look at you.”

“Kurogane,” Fai says, heaving for breath. _Fuck_ , it’s going to be over so soon again if he doesn’t _do_ something. Fai rises up as high as he can, thighs quivering, until only the very tip of Kurogane’s cock is still inside him and circles his hips.

The tease of friction and wetness has Kurogane groaning, back bowing in and lips parting. His hand stills, his entire body rigid, and Fai dips down a bare centimeter and rises back up, the tiny hint of heat almost too much even for him to bear. But he has to make this last, just a little longer, even a minute longer.

Kurogane whines - _whines, fuck_ \- low and gravelly, but unbelievably real and clutches at his thigh. “Fai. Fai, come _on, gods._ ”

Fai eases back down and up again, a little farther, chest heaving. “I just— want this to last. Just a little longer.”

Kurogane throws his head back, the tendons in his neck taut with tension, and thrusts up toward him, sinking in a glorious, wonderful inch. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” he says, breathless, needy. “We’ve waited long enough.”

Fai trembles, sucking in a surprised breath, and slowly, agonizingly, sinks all the way back down. Kurogane’s moan is long and deep and utterly filthy as Fai tips his head back and arches his spine. Kurogane’s cock brushes against his prostate and he chokes, rocking against it. Sparks of pleasure ripple through him, darting up to his head and tingling all the way down to his curling toes. “I’m close,” he gasps, a drop of sweat dripping from his temple. “I’m so close.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kurogane moans, meeting his thrusts and rutting up into him, his fingertips digging into the skin at Fai’s hip, hot and firm and perfect. “Don’t stop.”

Fai keens, grinding his hips down. He wraps his hand around his cock and pulls, whimpering at the dual sensation of heat and friction around him and slick fullness inside him. He moves faster, more erratic, trying to rock down on Kurogane’s cock and thrust up into his own fist at the same time.

Kurogane’s hand suddenly releases his hip and reaches almost desperately for his face. “Fai.” His hand brushes against Fai’s neck and shoulder - sending shivers across his oversensitized skin - and grabs hold of his jaw and cheek, urging him to tip his face down - down to look at the urgency in his gaze. “Fai.”

Fai lets him see, his own eyes wide and searching, but never slows his frantic pace, lungs heaving for air.

“I love you.”

And the world turns white, pleasure cresting to an almost unbearable level and washing through him in a crashing wave. He feels Kurogane stiffen beneath, hears him groan low and needy and shameless, but he’s too busy shaking apart at the seams to watch, the words echoing in his head over and over again. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

It’s the final piece to his soul - the one that fits inside the empty cavern inside of him - and it wraps comforting arms around the part of him that’s still a bitterly weeping child who just wanted someone to see past his curse and love him. The last of his lingering pain is soothed away and the floodgate on his heart is flung open with a cry of profound, joyful relief.

Fai drops his chin to his chest, lower lip quivering, and sobs. _This_ is what he has been desperate for his whole life, this is the answer to all the impossible questions he screamed out to the universe, this is what - finally - makes him feel like a whole person that is _worth_ something. This is what he needed to feel _alive._

Kurogane’s hand is still on his face, thumb stroking steadily through the mess of tears he’s making; a simple, rhythmic comfort. It’s a reminder - as if Fai could ever forget, now - that he’s not alone, there’s someone with him, beside him, willing to take him away just like he’d said he wanted all that time ago.

He doesn’t cry for long, not like he’d always thought he would if he ever finally let go, but he still feels the relief of it, the sense of being cleansed and freed like he remembers from back so long ago when he still let himself do this. It’s like a muscle he’s kept tensed and rigid for decades has finally relaxed and now the rest of him can too.

Fai lifts himself up off of Kurogane’s now softened cock and grabs a washrag sitting nearby, wiping the two of them clean before laying himself down at Kurogane’s side, pillowing his head on his good shoulder with a deep, contented sigh.

Kurogane’s arm wraps around his back, his hand reaching up to thread its way into his hair and rub gently against his scalp. “You can’t go around trying to die anymore,” he murmurs, words slurring with exhaustion as he turns his head to press a kiss against Fai’s crown. “I can’t—“ he pauses, swallowing audibly before trying again. “I can’t lose you, not even for my own sake.”

Tears prickle his eyes again, but Fai swallows them back, throwing his arm over Kurogane’s chest and clinging. He presses an answering kiss into Kurogane’s skin and nods. “I know. I won’t, not anymore. I promise.”

A quiet, relieved sigh pushes out from Kurogane’s chest, and he goes limp, sinking into the bed. “Good,” he says, arm tightening around Fai’s shoulders.

And then his breathing drops into the slow, steady pace of slumber before Fai can even think of how to respond. Kurogane has always been the type to fall asleep quickly, but the weariness brought on by their fight in Celes and his injury, coupled with the energy they just expended, must have worn him out beyond anything they’ve been through on this journey before.

Fai smiles fondly and snuggles closer, his own exhaustion quickly catching up with him, and sinks down into Kurogane’s comforting heat with shameless, eager pleasure, and sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://zacekova.tumblr.com/). I take prompts!


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